journal
16 июня 2025
been a little listless lately. probably because i havent been leaving
the house often. since school has ended, my eating habits have gone to
shit. i only eat one meal a day. my appetite is so so fucked. im
trying to eat more but ughhh its very hard to find something that
Appeals to the little birds in my brain. and i think im drinking less
water too. i only realized this when i stood up and my head started
spinning and i went Ah. and almost fainted. now whenever i stand up
i have to wait for my brain to reboot or something it feels like my
legs go ice cold and vision is completely fuzzy? Anyways. the last time
this type of stuff happened was middle of last year when my
physical health went completely to shit. i need to get better!! i will
eat more!! i owe it to myself and to my happiness!!!!1
okay debbie downer stuff off my chest today i went kayaking :D
we went to the same place last year. i am very fearful of these
types of Wilderness Experiences when i do them for the first time.
but since this was my second time, i was much more calm and got to
take in a lot more of the scenery! it was beautiful.. the smell
of the water is amazing. top 5 experiences easily. rowing is also
pretty meditative. after that, we walked around the town nearby.
i got some good pics and ate some really good mozzarella sticks!
hmmmm other than that.. been getting Really into svsss. i want to
start writing again. my birthday is in like two weeks and i still
have no idea what im doing or what i want. i should probably finish
p3re and p4g... i need to draw more.
10 июня 2025
HULLOOO its been too long... evil ass week.. absolutely drained me.
my sleep schedule has been fucked for too long. i finally
took that scary ass test last weekend. GOD BLESS!!!! i feel like
a curse has been lifted off of me. i truly have no clue how i did.
i forgot everything that happened in that testing room the minute i walked
out. hallelujah! now i can actually ENJOY my summer. after the
test i got myself a matcha and a breakfast sandwhich from a
nearby coffee shop. i deserved it. it was so good... i need to
go to that place again..
after that. on sunday i was Recovering from the immense mental
strain. now we're having a joyous one. ive been indulging in
so much joy. the apothecary diaries has a tight grip on me.
after i finished all the episodes available, i read the entire
manga. after that i read the entire Other manga. and now im
10 novels into the light novel series. life be so joyous. i
really really love jinshi. i love learning more about him slowly
thru the light novels. jinshi and maomaos relationship is also

really funny to read about lolol. after jinshi, my second favorite
is probably lahan. go, my abacus soldier!!! he is hilarious and sly
and very numbers oriented. also maybe a little gay but whatever. hes
ugly and stupid and i love him forever. like yup → thats my ugly ass
baby. i have realized i am very tsundere towards my favorite characters.
me actually calling a character i like Cute is like fighting 7 wolves in
a dark forest for me. okay anyways
oh and i fell off my bike a week ago too. june first. the time i fell and
sprained my hand and knees whatever was april first... hmm.. Anyways when
i fell i was like Damn this kinda hurts. reminds me of xie lian thousand
sword scene. and THEN i realized i couldnt remember the context of the
scene!!!!! i was so distraught. i scrounged around and i realized id read
tgcf a whole Three years ago... damn...... time flies man. wtf. three whole
years. im a completely different person now. speaking of three years, this sites
third anni is coming up soon too. scary!!!! circling back... i decided to
reread scum villians self-saving system. "werent you just talking about tgcf??"
Well Yes but svsss is hilarious and my favorite child so im starting w that.
i genuinely think it gets funnier every reread. so peak
other than svsss and apothecary diaries. i have also picked up zenless zone
zero again. its their first anniversary so the free s-rank agent lured me back.
but they also released a china themed sector?? with an outfit for mc??? epic balls.
i keep forgetting how fun and flashy the combat is ughhh its so satisfying.
btw i Hate meta. meta does not exist for me. 'you have to build a well
rounded team!!! they have to have synergy!! you should pull for this character
bc theyre meta!!' I DONT CARREEEEEE idgaf!!! i basically pull all my characters
by accident. my team rn is Lighter, Harumasa, and Rina (maybe lycaon?). lighter
i pulled by complete accident. harumasa was free. rina was the first 5* i pulled,
and lycaon (who might replace her) was also free LMFAOOOOO.. i also have nekomata
and koleda but ughhh their combat feel so clunky. i adore lighter and harumasa bc
their combat is FAST and FLASHY and FUN!!! harumasa especially. idk how to build
characters. i am lowkey overwhelmed w the amount of content zzz has but im working
through it Slowly... wise (the male mc) is so gorgeous wahah i keep taking pictures
of him. im kinda mad theres no camera mode where.. the camera is seperate from the mc..
i think genshin has that feature but i cant remember now LOL.
okay thats all for today i am Trying to get my sleep schedule in order GOOD NIGHT
1 июня 2025
ITS JUNEEE happy june everyone! looking back, may was a pretty good month
for me, so i hope this one is even better.
i hadnt been out of the house in a while, so yesterday i
went on an outing with my mom! we went to olive garden for
a late breakfast. i havent been to olive garden in like?
maybe 9 years??? it was so good.. those breadsticks are really
as good as they say. after that, we went to exchange my
cotopaxi backpack. i had an earlier entry in may? i think?
that was talking abt all the difficulties had w my cotopaxi
45L allpa.. i just bit the bullet and went to exchange for a
osprey farpoint 55L. i really feel like that was the wiser
choice! the osprey has wayyy more back support... i feel
like it wont break my back like the cotopaxi does. plus, the
colors are more muted, so i dont stand out like crazy lolol.
after that, i remembered that the diaso near me was having its
grand opening. it opened at 9am, and i was like, "surely theres
no line anymore? right?". i was dead wrong. i got there at like
6pm, and still stood around 45m in the line T__T. it was worth it
though! they had some oshikatsu stuff, like diy uchiwa fans, lightsticks,
pc sleeves, and even some itabags!!! i was really hoping for some
badge protectors but oh well... ill order online..

my haul!! two can badge displays, bookends for my desk, a comb (no
i did not buy it just bc it reminded me of jinshi noooo why would i ever
do that), a pvc pouch (for transporting nendoroids!), red kitty lucky
charm, stronger key rings bc i dont trust ball chains, and some snacks!
have been thinking Too much about apothecary diaries these days...
maybe i need to make a shrine page. hmmmmm...
music
recent favs:
time / mayumi fujita
INFINITY / lyn
deep breath deep breath / p3re
melty kitchen / ra*bits
WORLD IS YOURS / MASS OF THE FERMENTING DREGS
i. love this album. adore it actually. i found this album at a rough patch in life,
probably through a random youtube video of the title track, and its stuck with me
ever since. the drums and guitar paired with those vocals? amazing. life changing.
kono speed no saki e is one of my favs from the album - the vibrant sound.. it feels
uplifting and miserable at the same time. i have never listened to this album out of
order, because that lowkey feels like a crime. the songs flow in a way thats been
ingrained into my brain, and i fear listening to it any other way would ruin me.
im also lucky enough to have gotten tickets to their second world tour! very very
excited to see this group live :)
★ fav tracks: kono speed no saki e & world is yours
Земфира / ZEMFIRA
i love zemfira. all of her albums are good, but this is the only one where i can
confidently sing every single song on there. its also served as a way to further
connect with my mom. we used to be pretty distant, but i think in part thanks to
this album, we've gotten closer. something from her younger years to connect over.
if i remember correctly this album is zemfiras first? she was only 23 when she
released it... crazy. my russian is not the Best, so this album has also motivated
me to better my language skills. i WILL own all of her cds one day.
★ fav tracks: -140 & румба & ракеты
Persona5 The Royal Original Soundtrack / ATLUS SOUND TEAM
this is.. self explanatory. persona 5 royal has been a media that has NOT left my
brain since the moment ive started playing it. really! since aug '21 ive been
rotating it in my mind. i love persona 5. this game was truly fundamental in my
development of self, and from the writing, the characters, the art direction,
and what im here to talk about, THE MUSIC, its stunning. the music particularly
is... amazing. i love the jazz and the guitar and lyns vocals. god! no more what
ifs? a favorite. i think as far as game bgms go, persona wins. royal days? banger.
colors flying high? banger. gentle madman? one of my favorite palace themes. i
believe? BANGER! i could go on, but the gist of it is that personas soundtrack has
always been amazing, and the royal just adds even more flair.
yes i still
cry every time i listen to our light. not my fault goro akechi and akira have this
inane homoerotic rivalry going on. gah!
★ fav tracks: colors flying high & royal days & no more what ifs & gentle madman
& our light
Dots and Loops / STEREOLAB
this album hasnt been with me for for a long time, per se, but i have cherished its
impact on me. its very calming to me. this album always reminds me of bus rides, or
better yet, train rides. actually, any transport where you look out the window
and see how the scenery changes is reminiscent of this album. its another album that
i cant listen to out of turn.
★ fav tracks: miss modular & the flower called nowhere & diagonals
CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST: The Estate Sale / TYLER, THE CREATOR
one of my friends is a very big tyler fan, and i listened to this album as per her
request. with tylers albums, i tend to listen to the entire album through once,
then pick my favorites that ill listen to on repeat. wilshire and dogtooth are probably
tied for my fav from this album. i relate to wilshire's lyrics too much, so i havent
listened to this album in a while. "told me everytime you not with me you always ponder
/ what type of sweater im wearing, what music have i been finding" SIIIIGHHHHHH....
tylers music is amazing. i admire his style so much too.
★ fav tracks: MASSA & JUGGERNAUT & WILSHIRE & DOGTOOTH
The Dream Chapter: Eternity / TOMORROW X TOGETHER
txt was the first kpop group that i
really stanned. i have basically their entire
discography in albums. eternity is my favorite album of theirs; every song is just....
so good. the music itself, their vocals, the lyrics! bangers! its also my fav physical album.
the diary concept is something i hadnt seen before, and the concept for their visuals
(photocards, mvs, photobooks) is really good imo. if i remember correctly, this was their
second album! ive loved watching them grow as idols since, even if i dont really stan them
anymore.. i love the upbeat instrumental of drama, as well as the lyrics. THOUGH my favorite
track from this album is fairy of shampoo!!!!!!! i ADORE this song. you really just have to
listen to it, im not very good at describing music lol. its very floaty, very sweet. i love
the saxophone, the vocals, the concept! they did a stage performance based on the little prince,
singing this song!!! argh.
★ fav tracks: drama & fairy of shampoo
Heaven or Las Vegas / COCTEAU TWINS
i will not claim to be a lifetime fan of the cocteau twins, because i just discovered them.
however, this album is very good!! its an album that in my mind is similar to dots and loops.
best for car or bus rides! its easy to get lost in their instrumentals... very soothing. theres
a definite joy ingrained in this album, i think. i dont think i could listen to this album and
stay sad.
★ fav tracks: pitch the baby & iceblink luck & heaven or las vegas
In Rainbows / RADIOHEAD
another friends recommendation. i was skeptical of this album at first, but it definitely
grew on me. i love the rock sound. it can either be the joyous or the last piece needed
for utter misery. i dont really have too much to say about this album. its really good,
and i definitely prefer it to radioheads other albums. im trying to learn weird fishes /
arpeggi on guitar, but its slow going. alas, we persevere.
★ fav tracks: bodysnatchers & weird fishes / arpeggi & jigsaw falling into place
Young Forever (花樣年華) / BTS
bts my first love.. taehyung.... siiighhh... this was my first introduction into fandom culture
and everything of that sort. their music is very nostalgic to me. this album specifically.. my
fav song ever is run. i remember looping the mv for hours. incredible amount of bangers on this
album however - i need u? autumn leaves? silver spoon? dope? burning up (fire)??? save me? house
of cards?????? these are the tracks i think of whenever someone mentions bts. these are their best
works. they're soulful and heavy. i adore them.
★ fav tracks: RUN!!!!!! & silver spoon & dope & burning up (fire)
Ensemble Stars! Album Series Present-Switch- / SWITCH
this album is So good. i truly think switch has THE best songs in this franchise.
zero misses!!! go listen.
here PLEASE
emerald planet is adorable. the way they say their names in the beginning?
(
natsumeku /
sora ni / ukabu Planet / hikari o /
tsumugi / kimi to Mysterious ray / irodoru Fantastic).
splendid. amazing. they spell out switch in the chorus. (
Sweet/Wonder/ imēji shitara/
Trance/Click/Heart)
so cute. adorable. god. the beatmap in game is so fun.
temptation magic is SO catchy. flashlight! LETS DO THE MAGIC FOR YOU! that electronic synth
is hypnotizing. i dont know what to tell you man. its so good!!!!!!!
knockin fantasy is somehow even cuter. (issho ni KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK)
and (Natsume & Tsumugi: wakuwaku odoru) my god. KIRAMEKI!
easter carnival. SWITCH ON THE LIGHT! its so upbeat idgaf if its an easter song. its so JOLLY.
when im having a bad day i just put this song on and my mood is lifted 75% already. the blue bird
ref to tsumugi in this song. amazing.
these lyrics specifically. SO GOOD!!!!!!!
galaxy destiny. THAT INTRO IS SOOOO GOOD. yes.. lalala... lalala.. it is so magical... T__T the chorus
is so calming. i love u switch.
these lyrics again. SO GOOD. !!!!!!!!
i dont even know how to articulate my words anymore rather than good and cool and cute and lots of exclamation points.
i "witch" you a happy halloween IDGAF THAT THIS IS A HALLOWEEN SONG ITS SO GOOD. its so catchy. its Happy.
thank you switch magicians of happiness for bringing joy to my life with this song. this was the song that i looped
the most back in 2022 when i just got into enstars. that build up to the chorus is splendid. the whimsical ass beat in the
background. wonderful. awe inspiring. magic for your dream....!!!! T______T
secret gravity natsume solo. i dont even rock w natsume like that but god this solo
is genuinely one of the best in enstars. its so upbeat but soft at the same time. (Kimi no kokoro no oku ni sotto)! (Kuru kuru mawaru unmei no)!
delicious. if this song was a food it'd be some kind of cold jelly dessert. it makes me want to MOVE man!! the way
the va accentuates the syllables.. so good. ill probably rewrite this another day bc ive said so Good too many times.
vivid role playing sora i was not aware of your game. hell yes brother. this song is Joyous.
the rpg theme and all the sounds in the bg. THE CHORUS!!!!!!!!!! makes me want to dance and im AWFUL at dancing!!!
i wish i had the words to describe how much happiness this song brings me. its so upbeat! its so happy! its so good!!!!!!
bluebird humming BEST FOR LAST. SINGING BLUEBIRD!!!!!!!! FOR YOURRR HAPPPYYYYY!!!! EVERYYY MOMENTT... YOU CANN HEAR..
HUMMING!!!!!!! AAAHHHHHH!!!!1!!!!!!! tsumugis voice is SO good here. this song is calming and relaxing but manages to uplift
your spirits at the same time. tsumugi sounds like he's singing with a smile. does this make sense. god. as someone who personally
really relates to tsumugi and just. hes. yea. This song is so good. its such a motivator.
( When I woke up, it flew in through the window /
A small expectation that the morning sun would rise /
But if I check the fortune of the day, /
a loss-filled Bad day is today's result /
I'm disappointed after all, but… Nevertheless, /
I can't wait to see such a clear sky!)
OH MY GODDDDDD ! hes just like me fr like. god. this song really truly motivates me to find the smallest happinesses even
when the future seems bleak. if tsumugi aoba can look forward to such a clear sky, i can too!
(Beautiful, like a bluebird carrying happiness /
By the way, the lucky color of fortune is BLUE as well /
All of those small unhappy feelings are weighing you down, aren't they? /
See, happiness is waiting, just beyond)
YOU CAN ALWAYS MOVE PAST YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES AND FIND HAPPINESS.. you can ALWAYS look forward.. cast behind your
sorrows and trek on forwards!!!
( Lucky items, I keep trying to wear them /
to ward off my fearful and uneasy feelings /
Even though they're just a small dose of motivation, /
it gives me the courage to look back up )
oh my god. i do this. i motivate myself with little trinkets and lucky items and the like. seeing myself in a song
so much is scary. tsumugi aoba i adore you never change.
(If you muster up a small but lovely smile /
See, you'll be wonderfully happy)
(All those small unhappy feelings, if you just laugh without a care /
See, a wonderful happiness awaits! )
jesus christ. i love this song beyond words. its way calmer and slower than the rest of the album but in my opinion
it has such a spirit of happiness imbeded into its lyrics, that it doesnt even need the joyous synth for your spirits to be
uplifted. this song will 100% be my top listened to this year. i really cant get enough of it. tsumugi aoba...
★ fav tracks: literally all of them but bluebird humming is above the rest
shape.memory.music / GOATBED
i actually found out about the soundtrack before the game, you can imagine how
that went. this soundtrack is incredibly good. ive yet to find something that comes
even close. goatbed has such a unique sound. ai catch is so catchy! even though
the lyrics dont
really make sense to a casual listener, enough words stick
out that you can hum or sing along. very danceable. sandy weeds is so gritty. i cant
think of another word for it. liiikee sandy wweeeedss... masculine devil and de slash
are also some of my favorites. splendid... all of the songs on this album are very
individual - each track is memorable in its own way.
★ fav tracks: ai catch & masculine devil & only finally there is the free end
The Bends / RADIOHEAD
waow. the bends... after i really liked in rainbows, i started listening to more radiohead.
this was another album that my friend really liked, and her taste hadnt led me astray before!
and it still hasnt!!! the bends has a very full sound as an album. planet telex is a perfect
opening song. and then its the bends! the bends themselves! the lyrics here are hard hitting.
vocals are very fitting... the "i wish it was the sixties, i wish we could be happy. ... i
wish that something would happen" is SO good. high and dry is another favorite. i have got
to get better at writing these bc i cannot just keep saying 'very' and synonyms of good.
anyways - high and dry! again - lyric work is insane. "youd kill yourself for recognition,
youd kill yourself to never ever stop." yowch... best for last; just. just is easily
my favorite from this album. you do it to yourself!!! when i first heard this song i couldnt
stop listening. id recommend it to anyone who listened. you do it to yourself you do! and thats
what really hurts!!!!! aughhh so good. so good...
★ fav tracks: just & high and dry & the bends
Hat Trick / IORI NOMIZU
i found iori nomizu via shitty 2014 anime opening. i was really bored n clicked around
for something to watch, and was blessed with darakena as the opening. darakena isnt part
of this album, but thats how i got my start to iori nomizu. *** passionato is one of my
favorite songs of hers. very cheery! the drums in signalize are amazing. i really love
this era of jp music, and iori nomizu was my start of loving that genre. black white is
also very good!!!! she has a lot of singles that arent part of albums that i adore, so
ill mention them here. miele paradiso and chi are actually probably my favorite songs
of hers. miele paradiso is just
so good. that synth(?) in the bg is great. chi
has a complete diff vibe than miele paradiso, as its a smidge bit darker? more intense?
but still just as good.
★ fav tracks: *** passionato & black white